NOW WHAT?

Now What?

Theology in the Trenches

by Kathleen Kjolhaug

I was waiting, and while I did, I poked, prodded, and preached. I even budged a time or two, to no avail. I began to rant and rave. Voice came easy. Easy it was to speak “the preach” while searching for the familiar. Environmentally speaking, I wanted my habitat to reflect that which I had known. “They” say we will do anything to recreate that which we have known.

“They” were right. I fluffed the farm…pillows and all while keeping watch over the dirt…sweeping it away. Chicken décor for grandma, table top gracing fresh flowers for mom, contrasting colors splashed round and about for dad, smack dab in the center of farmland for grandpa was our home, and hanging the  framed tapestry “We and the Land are One” in honor of the man I married all contributed to making our house a home. Last but not least a cross upon the wall for us all.

One day I paused…listening to that which was as it spoke. Like the barrenness of winter blowing its way into the soul, the unfurling of memories began. Decades of life lived upon the homestead ebbed and flowed, but one thought prevailed. It is finished.

Now what?

Packing my bags was the only thing that made sense to me, and so I did. Away I went…back from whence I’d come…back to the familiar, back to the quiet where love runs deep and others share lives with all who enter. “A Retreat,” is what the brochure said. Tossing money into the mail I reserved my spot. Wiggle worm that I am, foregoing the much needed respite tempted. Excuses justified as obstacles arose. Yet, when the time for departure came, I loaded my belongings and drove to the quiet.

And quiet it proved to be. Alone I was amidst fellowship. Fall leaves skirted round campus mimicking a palate of color. Life reflected vibrancy as their dance became the mystery of where each would fall. Empathy ran deep among us, challenges deeper, and all too soon came the call. Go back. Full circle, back home was where I was to go.

Deep is the way back. “To intentionally live counter culturally is not for the timid,” says Lonni Collins in her book, “Radical Hospitality.” I am not sure these words are my calling, but threads of them are. Fragrant memories fall fresh as I introduce myself once again to me. I discover anew that He is not only the Bread of Life but my Breath of Life, and for that I am grateful. Because He is able, I am able.

As I push “refresh” I learn anew what I’ve known all along. “It’s about changing the universe by becoming available to one person in one sliver of time” (L.C.). May I be present where I am, Lord. That is a request.

“Be present at my table Lord. Be here and everywhere adored. These mercies bless and grant that we, may strengthen for Thy service be” (John Cennick, 1741).  Amen.