It Could Have Been Me...But It Wasn't

It Could Have Been Me…But It Wasn’t

Theology in the Trenches

by Kathleen Kjolhaug

I could have been me sitting along-side the road, holding a sign that begs for work or food…but it wasn’t, and so far it isn’t. So far…

It could have been me swept off my feet…whisked off to who knows where…but it wasn’t. I’ve traveled abroad and have been caught off guard more times than once. But I had many a folk come alongside me, to make sure I did arrive safe and sound...unharmed…

It could have been me hooked on that first drink…but it wasn’t. No, not I. I could handle just one when I chose to indulge and lucky I was…cause some aren’t.

It could have been me in a home with abuse…but it wasn’t. I was born into a family who protected rather than took from…and the taking from skews the whole mind in one act of horrific selfish sin that does not give…but tries to destroy.

It could have been me who was robbed in the street…left lying for all to attack…but it wasn’t. I passed by the same one and for reasons unknown…I came and went…just fine. Why them and not me?

It could have been me who was hooked on the meds that were meant to redirect the pain…but it wasn’t. I had been given the likes of, fresh out of surgery…but I was able to toss those that I no longer needed. Lucky me.

It could have been me married to a man that hits and hurts with fists and words…but it wasn’t. I thought I knew my husband when we married…but the truth is…no one ever fully does. He has not hurt me…but builds up rather than tears down…and for this I am blessed. I wish I could turn him into a million men to help women know that there are those whom they can trust…because for some reason, unbeknownst to me…I have been spared from the mental torture that ensues. Yes, it could have been me.

It could have been me without money to pay and live with a few extra perks in life…but it wasn’t. We don’t have a lot but we have all we need, and for this I am grateful. And, for some reason, I was born here instead of over there…and instead of a hammock, I have a bed. Instead of dirt floors unprotected from the elements, I get to think about how to decorate my floor, and walls that keep the outside out.

It could have been me with a distended stomach and orange hair screaming of malnutrition, but it wasn’t. I have a fly swatter for those little buggers which land round and about…instead of needing to use my hand to swat them away from tired crusted eyes baking in the heat. Even the flies need food and food I am not for them. Why not me?

It could have been me with thoughts in my head that spin out of control all mixed up. In a world which others must be put away for safe keeping like a toy on a top shelf…but it wasn’t. My mind works, most of the time. And I can, for the most part, maneuver my thoughts in ways everlasting that can give voice to the voiceless…it could have been me…but it wasn’t.

It could have been me long ago…not given a chance for life…cause my mama was too overwhelmed, but it wasn’t. You see, I came a mere 11 months after my sister, and 11 months before my younger brother…and I always thought that had there been a way for mama to have a break from birthing so many so rapidly…it would have been me…but it wasn’t. She laid her down her life…in order to see me through…and I will be forever grateful…she trusted. Amen.