Did you marry an opposite?

Who Said Opposites Attract?

Theology in the Trenches

by Kathleen Kjolhaug

 

I’ve heard it said that opposites attract. They say it’s good for parenting, and that it’s good for the relationship in many ways throughout the first half of marriage. The later half, they say, you tend to be happier with someone who shares the same interests so you may spend time doing those things you both enjoy. I’m not sure who “they” are but this whole philosophy has always puzzled me. It puzzled me because if I’d subconsciously married an opposite who would help me maneuver through parenting, then what would become of us once our children were gone?

Worry no more, as it is with much relief that I am seeing the commonalities which not only drew us together but will apparently keep us together.

The first thing I discovered is that we are both goal setters. I was always frustrated with what appeared to be lack of goal setting by my opposite, if you will. Personally, I love setting them as well as achieving them. He, on the other hand, appeared to take things on a day to day basis without much discussion as to where we were headed. Apparently, life builds itself. However, I’ve realized that this actually is a strength we do share, and it became quite clear after spending time with him on a trip over the holidays. His goal was to not spend money, and my goal was to spend it. So, there you have it, common ground; we both have goals.

The next item noteworthy of mention would be travel. I love seeing new places and being on the move. Never did I realize that he does as well until one evening when it was revealed. He mentioned that he had seen the likes of himself in a picture. It was a piece of art depicting a horse plowing a field.  He said, “I really connected with that painting because that is exactly how I see myself. That horse gets to plow that field and when he reaches the other side, he gets to turn around and do it again.” So, there you go. He likes getting out and about, and so do I.

Then there was the time when he had to finally replace a vehicle which had long ago needed replacing. He was quietly disappointed that within this vehicle of necessity, there was no CD player to be had. Upon returning home and digging through the owner’s manual, he soon disappeared out into the darkness. Within minutes, he returned only to have discovered a CD player hidden beneath a compartment he had not noticed. There you have it, yet another fine example of something we have in common. He likes to have the ability to play music he treasures on his old CD’s, and I like the music of seeing his heart happy.

The longer we are together, the more common ground we discover. And every once in a while we discover that it isn’t so much of what we have in common, but what we had in common. We both miss popping in our VCR tapes and watching the kids regress before our eyes into the munchkins they once were. We both enjoy looking at poetic farm scenes from long ago, and we both like cooking favorite dishes with only our signature upon them. He chooses creamed tuna on toast, and I choose making breakfast for supper when it’s just the two of us. We both like our “cheaters” that enlarge whatever it is before our eyes, and we both like it when the kids come home. We both appreciate our parents more than ever before, and we both like going a little slower than we used to.

But most importantly, our common ground in the early years is the same sustaining common ground in these later years. That common ground is our Lord Jesus Christ. “He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow” (Heb. 13:8).  It is that which floods the common ground to solid ground.  Amen.