Call to Communion (Part II)

Call to Communion (Part II)

Theology in the Trenches

by Kathleen Kjolhaug

As I watched the chaperone, a Benedictine nun, from forty years back…now sitting in vespers across the room from me…the sense of being overwhelmingly convicted ran deep.

Not a toe in the world had most of these women set as they answered a call to live in community while praying for the world round them. “Surely goodness and mercy will follow them all the days of their lives” (Psalm 23:6). But, what about me? “How long, oh Lord, must I cry out?” (Hab. 1:2)

Later, back in my room on campus, a holy scent permeated round me. It was His scent, that of unleavened bread. Along with the scent, words infiltrated as well. “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life” (Ps. 23:6). Surely?

His goodness and mercy followed me alright placing heaviness upon me. How long Oh Lord? My thoughts became airborne as they took me back…

Back to marriage, family, and kids…what a whirlwind of a world…If only I hadn’t responded as I did at times…came my thoughts…perhaps then…this heaviness would be lighter…

Back to my Peace Corps Days and College…If only I wouldn’t have made so many silly decisions. Perhaps then, the dark night of the soul would not be upon me…

Back to high school days, to elementary, and to the innocence of childhood my thoughts did go. Perhaps it wasn’t so innocent after all…

If only…if only I would have stayed in the womb and not set my toe into this world, perhaps then, Lord, my sin would not lay so heavy…

As this weight settled in and upon me, something happened. Suddenly, no longer could I smell the scent of Him…nor feel the weight. It was as if He became part of me. “He became flesh and dwelt among us” (Jn. 1:14).

As new birth calls…a new birth where we are one with Him…as He settled in…we, He and I, became one flesh. “Dying He destroyed our death, rising He restored our life” and “the peace that passes all understanding” took hold (John 11:25, Phil 4:7).

“And when you seek Him with all your heart…you will find Him” (Jer. 29:13). Settled by mercy, settled by grace for “the wages of sin is death” alright….death to self and rising with Him (Rom 6:23). Grace and mercy, begotten of the Father we are. He settles it as He settles in not only to transform the world from darkness to Light …but each one of us. He alone sustains…each and every stain...so we may, indeed, go therefore and live the Gospel.   Amen.