Ryan's Story Part I

Restorative Recovery

(Part I of Ryan’s Story)

Theology in the Trenches

by Kathleen Kjolhaug

It matters not the sip.

It matters not the tin.

It matters not the lips

From which you have taken in…

The teller of the tale forbids we speak of…lest permission has been given. And so it has been given that is. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet yet this rose has a name.

“Hello, my name is Ryan Waggoner, and I am an alcoholic.” And so it begins. The restorative poetry of recovery begins as such. Deep it goes and rough are the roads. From small town to big it’s all the same. Ryan communicates free and easy like because deep down, “It is no longer I who live, but Christ in me” (Gal. 2:20).

He continues. “The storms which drove me to despair and back, I now give permission to air.”

Addiction in any form, having taken its toll drives one to run. Running to…running from becomes the cycle. Yes, no, maybe, and if...is tossed on stormy seas because it’s better than facing the fact that havoc close to hell itself has been wreaked.

All, that is until the tilted world stops and one gets up in pause all steady like because one is worthy of more than sinking in miry clay. And so it was with Ryan. The details of derailment matter not as each is merely a deflection of that which stops us up from serving Him. Deep is the pain doused with whatever it takes to make it go away. To feel once again is sheer gift. Life-giving it is.

A disease they call it. All symptoms look the same, you know. Or maybe you didn’t know. It begins with a little sip of something here, a little nip of something there…covering up, and then the lies, and then more cover-ups, and so goes the cycle of symptoms only recognizable to those who suffer along with the addict. Conversion means turning away from the nothingness of empty promises. Empty tombs must be filled with the only One who can overcome. Only One overcame death and resurrected for the very struggles we face this side of the veil.

Interesting it is that God chose twelve disciples to help in the recovery of this world for His namesake. Likewise, the twelve-step program has spread across this world acting like life-giving communion to those who desire to turn. Ryan turned. He turned towards the face of Christ and found not only restoration but deep abiding with the One who heals. Brother to brother, sister to sister they stand and Ryan is among one who is being transformed. He shares openly and honestly from whence he came to where the Lord continues to call.

Only he can tell his story, and willing he is. For this I am grateful. He shares it from the vantage point of the miracles God has worked and is working in his life. His heart beats to see Christ in all as he recalls from the depths of his memory how a good friend relapsed before his eyes. Miracles are messy and so were those he witnessed on his own journey towards recovery.

As we enter further into the deep of Ryan’s story next week, may we humbly pray for discernment. To see things as Christ sees them and not how we perceive them to be is imperative.

The first of the Twelve Steps of Humility by St. Benedict:  “1. Christ urging us to pray: ‘May God’s will be done in us (me)’ (Matt 6:10). R.B. 7.20.”

To be continued.