Ryan's Story Part II

Restorative Recovery

(Part II of Ryan’s Story)

Theology in the Trenches

by Kathleen Kjolhaug

The picture linked to this post was taken by Ryan of the crosses he has made. As a hobby, he makes them out of old church pews and donates them. They serve as reminders of the power of His death and resurrection on behalf of us all.

Private Ryan, I suppose we could call him. But we’ll stick with Ryan Waggoner, from northern Minnesota. He has shared his recovery story and desires that he no longer remain private in hopes that transparency might be a benefit to others who are in the midst of the struggle. Last week was Part I of his story. This week concludes the series on restorative recovery.

He wrote:

“I recall my good friend. We were committed to sobriety. I was with him, encouraging him to get up and out of the miry clay in which he was stuck. Doing well he was…until he wasn’t. It’s called relapse and he did just that. He was swaggering down the street, and I was literally walking the walk alongside him when we happened across a homeless man. Wheelchair-bound the man was and as we passed by, my inebriated friend stopped. He took out his wallet and realizing there was nothing in it, promptly took off his t-shirt and handed it over. ‘This is all I have to give you,’ said my friend. After literally giving the shirt off his back to the man in the wheelchair, my friend stumbled away.”

Ryan shares from the depths of his memories about what happened after this friend, whom he was desperately trying to help, committed suicide. “There aren’t enough adjectives to describe how a person feels. So, instead of people talking, people get numb and stop talking.”

“No one gives lessons on how to carry your best friend’s casket. I thought I could keep him sober. Instead, I spiraled down not knowing how to handle my own pain and began heavily drinking once again. I hid in the shadows and figured God couldn’t see me if I kept hiding. Depression took over as my thinking about my friend’s death became more obscured and nobody told me to think of it any other way…until I got the help I needed.”

Coming to the surface to drink deeply of the Son soaked air…is the call...cause all is not lost once you’ve been found. Freedom rings a beckoning because the day of reckoning isn’t so bad after all.

No shame in this game…no blame, not even of self cause deflection will not allow one to blame anyone but another. Perhaps that is the stage that is most difficult. It becomes a cover-up that does nothing but acts as a Son blocker for true healing. Once Light sheds its brilliant rays into the corners that need healing, one can take ownership. It’s called Grace. Not so painful is the release of all that needs forgiving. Some call it Step 9. I call it confession. No need to hang onto the fig leaf as it’s way too small to cover much up at all.

Shed was His blood for all, and the grip is loosened as one allows Him to take that which one confesses. Once confessed, it is lifted lighter because He carries. Confession makes room for reception and now one can feel enough to receive that which one has not felt for so long.

He desires to carry that which I need not. It’s too much, and it is all mere distraction because it is He who sees that which we’ve been called to in order to fulfill our purpose here on earth.

Ephesians 2:10 says so. “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

“It’s all just a ploy that kept me from looking into the face of Christ. When I did look to Him, I saw more clearly,” says Ryan. His story is pure poetry.

Too much to do...

Too much to feel as I kneel before Thee.

Thank God I am alive.

Thank God I am free.

Thank God You have chosen me…

For such a time as this, I now reach out

To those who may be momentarily distracted.

And to those of us who, at this moment in time, have the luxury of going through different struggles, Benedict shares a little something for us all in Step 12 of Humility R.B. 7: 67-70.

“The path of humility transforms us from being fearful persons to being people filled with love as John 4:18 speaks. ‘Perfect love casts out fear.’ Now it will be second nature for you to live a virtuous life, not out of fear, but out of love for Christ and ‘All this the Holy Spirit manifests in you’”(1 Cor. 12:7).

Thank God for the process of Transformation.

Thank God that “Conversion” is ongoing…

The turning from and the turning towards You happens one-day-at-a-time.

Thank God for the process of Your recovery of me.  Amen.